question for the fda

voodoo bagels

high upon the shelf

infinite power

in your endless loops

when sliced

others are cut

when toasted

another is burned

when eaten

someone else's breath smells like onion

how can you be legal

anyway?

Let's Talk About Heroes

Let's talk about Heroes

and all the exciting events from last night's episode

Let's really get into it

raising our voices

and gesturing with our arms for emphasis

Let's review all the powers

that each of them has

and think about which ones we'd like

although we'll be enthusiastic about it

our decisions will be grounded in logic

Let's mention the Asian guy

and the cheerleader

and the one who's going to be in that movie

and the one that can fly

(one of them can fly, right?)

Let's talk about how

I've never really seen the show

so I've got a lot of catching up to do

Let's have green tea

and onion bagels

for hours on end

while you tell me all the things that I've missed

the disappearing light of day

i sat with a bagel

yesterday

and let it teach me

all it knew

every curve

held a lesson

each bit of onion

contained a truth

the top showed me things

the bottom could not

yet the bottom

shared a wiser view

today

i discovered

these teachings were lost

perhaps they were

only a dream

in sadness

and silence

and solitude

i ate it

but honestly, it ate me too

The Golden One

My father always told me "Onion bagels grow on trees"

And so I spent my school-age years amassing expertise

So I could scour the continents and sail the seven seas

Searching for the only plant that would my soul appease

As time elapsed the hope I had was pushed aside by doubt

For I'd found nothing even though I'd traveled all about

And so I grabbed my father and irately I did shout

He said "I meant to say they don't – did I leave that word out?"

O

is for onion

the bagel i like most

 N is for not ever equating it

to toast – that would be insanity,

which is what the I is for, and if you try to

say it's not, i'll just come   bust down your door

and i'll wear a mask,             and i'll carry an axe 

and a can of gas and              a bunch of matches

and you'll be all like,          oh god, no! which in

case you didn't get it       is what the second O

is for, but i won't even hear your pleas,

cause i'll be busy creaming cheese

once you get a taste of these,

you'll Never make that

error again

Digging a Tunnel

I'm digging a tunnel

From my heart to yours

To carve out this pathway

I'm fighting on all fours

Reminds me of digging

That I did once before

Through an onion bagel

Inside the grocery store

I tore out one section

Just to get it started

Then dug with my finger

Until the insides parted

Before long I had a

Hollow bagel in my cart

Too bad it's much tougher

For me to win your heart

Confession

I'm a churchgoing bagel, Heaven is my goal

I'm a God-fearing bagel, only He can save my soul

I'm a tolerating bagel, I won't judge a jelly roll

I'm a virtue-laden bagel, which is something to extol

Yet I'm a weak-willed bagel when the Devil takes control

and I can't stop inserting objects in my onion hole