third-degree turn

i dropped my bagel
like it was hot
because it was hot
and my fingers were burning terribly

digits in mouth
pain soon became joy:
the scalded skin

tasted quite a bit like onion

Dude with a neck Band-Aid

hey Dude

what's shakin

and why is there a Band-Aid

on your neck?

odd place for a Band-Aid

if you ask me

seein as i've

never needed one there before

did Somebody

with a bread knife

mistake your neck for a bagel

or somethin?

i'm just glad that bagels

don't have

Jugular Veins

blood and onion don't mix

single serving cream cheese container

you know you got it goin' on
everything i want
and need in one
conveniently pocketable package

i long to touch you
to feel your cool against my warm
fingertips taking hold
lifting lustfully on your waiting lid

and now it is time to spread
my blade begins
you are smooth
and you are generous but only at first

for midway through my onion bagel's
second half you empty
leaving me — and the promise you made —
forever unfulfilled

time to celebrate

hit the rock
now boom! let’s blow it up
then pump your fist in circles
and bark just like a pup

raise the roof
a chest bump in midair!
let’s wave our limbs around
as if we just don’t care

kick your heels
spirit fingers full of pride
now line up all our friends
for the electric slide!

silent cheer!
gimme five! no gimme ten!
we’re having onion bagels
for our breakfast again!

row 32

tiny stewardess
slinking down the aisle
active little hands
serving snack after snack after snack

you smile, share a laugh
shuffle through your shelves
so long at each row!
so many more to go
if you’re out
of onion bagels
when you reach my seat
i'm bringing down this goddamned airplane
so help me jesus

stone sober logic

i woke in bagel puke again
familiar onion sludge
but i had zero drinks last night
so don't be quick to judge

i think i must be suffering
from some foodborne disease
'cause whiskeys tend not to expire
but sometimes does cream cheese

(they're the ones with goatees)

almost every onion bagel

that i've eaten

has been Good

but one or two of them

have been Evil